Nayonaise is an egg-free, soy-based sandwich spread meant to mimick the desirable qualities of its distant cousin and namesake, mayonnaise. Twitter user @dry_hump uses simile to explain his detest for this product by comparing its flavor to that of the matted, unwashed hair of feminist-icon and grammy-award-winning musician Ani DiFranco. @dry_hump continues the simile by further insulting lesser eaten foods like an expensive Eastern-European cereal puree over salad, to which he applies Ani DiFranco’s dreadlock juice. It is unclear whether he actually enjoys eating such foods and was somehow put off by the simple addition of nayonaise, or if he just doesn’t understand how to craft a proper joke. He is so utterly turned off by these foods that he wishes he could reap financial reward from the anguish of his mastication and the perceived inequitable exchange of his $14.

Nayonaise is an egg-free, soy-based sandwich spread meant to mimick the desirable qualities of its distant cousin and namesake, mayonnaise. Twitter user @dry_hump uses simile to explain his detest for this product by comparing its flavor to that of the matted, unwashed hair of feminist-icon and grammy-award-winning musician Ani DiFranco.

@dry_hump continues the simile by further insulting lesser eaten foods like an expensive Eastern-European cereal puree over salad, to which he applies Ani DiFranco’s dreadlock juice. It is unclear whether he actually enjoys eating such foods and was somehow put off by the simple addition of nayonaise, or if he just doesn’t understand how to craft a proper joke.

He is so utterly turned off by these foods that he wishes he could reap financial reward from the anguish of his mastication and the perceived inequitable exchange of his $14.

Chelseea’s love for her deceased grandfather prevents her from setting things alight. Suspicions that someone informed the police of her involvement in a blaze upsets her, as the informant fails to understand the endless cycle of grandfather-loving and fire-not-starting.

Chelseea’s love for her deceased grandfather prevents her from setting things alight. Suspicions that someone informed the police of her involvement in a blaze upsets her, as the informant fails to understand the endless cycle of grandfather-loving and fire-not-starting.

When employing multivariate testing to optimize for sadomasochism and the sadomasochistic experiences of others, consider the backgrounds of those who are attracted to your event. Closely monitor their participation and interaction. Do they prefer leather, rubber, or latex?  If the event is not free, how will participants complete the transaction? (Consider mobile payment options such as Square and Verifone, but do not rule out a traditional merchant account if appropriate). Finally, how is the group transformed by the encounter? It is important to consider each of these metrics when working as an SM consultant.

When employing multivariate testing to optimize for sadomasochism and the sadomasochistic experiences of others, consider the backgrounds of those who are attracted to your event. Closely monitor their participation and interaction. Do they prefer leather, rubber, or latex?  If the event is not free, how will participants complete the transaction? (Consider mobile payment options such as Square and Verifone, but do not rule out a traditional merchant account if appropriate). Finally, how is the group transformed by the encounter? It is important to consider each of these metrics when working as an SM consultant.

This zombie is disappointed.

This zombie is disappointed.

The Angel of Death, seen here wearing her “Michelle Aubrey” costume, would much prefer a Hummer owner as conversation partner to one with more than one face or a colorful nose. Fortunately, she has her druthers after displacing a family, outperforming a lawyer, and firing some dumb bitch in exchange for lots of money, which can be used to woo younger, attractive men with a penchant for Jager.

The Angel of Death, seen here wearing her “Michelle Aubrey” costume, would much prefer a Hummer owner as conversation partner to one with more than one face or a colorful nose.

Fortunately, she has her druthers after displacing a family, outperforming a lawyer, and firing some dumb bitch in exchange for lots of money, which can be used to woo younger, attractive men with a penchant for Jager.

Next page →